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So yeah Sally didn't die after all....

Anyway after not being arsed to post anything for almost a year, the new season of Australian Idol has awakened me.
After watching last night's official first top 12 show I thought I'd bitch and moan a bit.

In order of appearance:

1. Ben Mackenzie: I love this little fag, bless him. Though this was not his best performance, he can as yet do no wrong for me and I hope he wins the whole thing.

2. Mark da Wog: Yeah I quite like this guy. Again this performance wasn't brilliant, but i don't know many that can successfully cover u2.

3. Lana Krost: Um, aside from the fact that she shouldn't even be in the top 12, and this performance reinforced that, who the fuck decided to style her like a Thai hooker?? Seriously, girlfriend is not yet legal, wrong. Be gone with her, I couldn't even hear her most of the song.

4. Daniel Mifsud: Jesus Christ, what is the obsession with this guy?? It's the whole Shannon thing all over again for me. The judges all but cream themeselves at the mere mention of his name, but he is so fucking middle of the road. Whatever. This sucked balls.

5. Carl Riseley: Waltzing Matilda??? Is this a fucking joke??? While I love me some swing (and yes aussie aussie aussie blah blah blah) is he going to jazz up every song every week??? I hate agreeing with Kyle but yes song chocie was retarded.

6. Holly Weinert: I quite liked this bitch, but I don't know this song and quite frankly I didn't care for her attempt at showing how diverse she can be. I think she does that acoustic country folk shit well. But she is not yet on my hate list.

7. Matt Corby: the little pretty christian boy, there's one every year. His scary lips aside I like this guy and this was a great performance. Well done, as Marcia would say.

8. Natalie Gauci: though I'm a fan of this chick (whats with all the wogs this year by the way?) I was pretty bored for most of this, but still, I hope she gets through.

9. Jacob Butler: Oh I have a soft spot for Jacob and his big chubby cheeks. I don't know why but he seems very likeable and I applaud his persistance. He seems to have gotten rid of his nerves as this was great.

10. Tarasai Vushe: As long as she isn't ramming her Jesus bullshit down my throat I enjoy Tarasai, and since Dicko pointed out that she is somewhat nuts I enjoy her even more. Her voice is exceptional but not sure how far she'll go given her lack of likeability.

11. Marty Simpson: yes well, I want to like this guy, his voice is very appealing, his face, not so much. The lack of confidence is gonna fuck him up though.

12. Brianna Carpenter: get me a fucking gun. I despise this bitch and anyone else who refers to themselves as alternative and/or quirky. Clearly you're not, you are just a try hard. Could she be any more desperate to be Bjork. Last night she just looked like a female James Mathieson, blink damn it. And I love that Beach Boys song so now i hate her even more for ruining it.

So there it is, hopefully Lana or Brianna will go tonight cos I don't think I can sit through another show with, well either of them let alone both.

Sally's death

I still cannot get a definitive answer re Kate Ritchies' departure (or lack thereof) from Home and Away. The Sydney Confidential has a very vague article titled " Kate set to leave Home". while that in iteself seems to answer everyone's question they do not actually ahve any confirmation from anyone involved.

Currently enjoying a five week break following what she termed to be "a really big year,'' the TV star yesterday revealed she wants to be perceived as someone other than "the little girl who grew up on Home and Away.'' "It's been a fantastic experience but now I think I might be ready to look past that,'' Ritchie, 28, told Confidential

Seven refused to comment on Ritchie's suspected exit from the show and would not discuss details of her contract with the network. "Kate Ritchie's contribution to Home And Away over the last 19 years is deserving of the greatest respect and celebration,'' a Seven spokesman said yesterday.

More break ups

This break up fest 2006 is never ending. The latest casualties being:
*gorgeous OC couple Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody are over after 2 years.
*the "were they ever really together" couple of Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn
*and Eddie Murphy has left Scary Spice holding the unborn baby, and claims to not be convinced that said child is his. Nice.
*Also various Hollywood gossip sites are going crazy for the "latest" gay break up between Lance Bass and Reichen. I am somewhat befuddled by all of this as I was certain they broke up ages ago. I'm sure I read about it like a month ago and hence put them in my 2006 break up list last week. Maybe it was a premonition?

Anyway, no doubt tomorrow will see yet another couple bite the dust.

Home and Away season finale

Oh. My. God. Tell me they didn't really kill off Sally. I have no idea how Home and Away manage to keep their storylines hush hush but I am more often than not surprised by a storyline, which is nothing short of a fucking miracle.

So last night's 3 "shockers" were :
1. We discovered Constable Toby Mangel's deep dark seceret. He was not involved in that nasty Heartbreak High gang but he actually has a wife and kiddies. Nice. But it leaves me wondering how old he is supposed to be in the show? Martha is just 18, and I was under the impression Jack wasn't too much older than her. Obviously Ash is the same age as Jack as they went to school together, but his kids look like they're like 8 or 9 or something???? Stepkids?

2. Fucking Kit rocks up again. Will she ever go away? Anyway, her romp in the bush with Kim way back after the plane crash has left her with child, as luck would have it, right when Kim has only just found out he can no longer conceive. No doubt this baby will turn out to be someone else's too as is always the case with Kim's alleged offspring.

3. So there's been this build up all week about who will be "left for dead". I assumed it would be Sally but I also assumed that by epsiode 3 of 2007 (at the lastest) she would be alive and well. But there was this fucking montage at the end highlighting Kate Ritchie's entire time on the show which would imply they've gone all OC and totally fucked here off. Why????

Home and Away fansites are about to crash, as everyone is debating whether they really would kill Sally.

PS. Is it just me or does she look fucking hot in the above picture??

Soapstar Superstar

I fucking love the crap TV that the UK dishes up. Another celebrity reality show locked in for the new year. Soapstar Superstar is basically Idol, but with soap stars. From what I can gather it's the second season, but this year it stars two of our own : cringeworthy Dr. Karl Kennedy from Neighbours, aka Alan Fletcher, and Summer Bay stud and It takes 2 failure Mark "Ric" Furze. God poor Ric he is so desperate for a recording contract.

Male stripper

It was only a matter of time before someone in the States twigged that Oprah's latest addition, 'our' Jamie Durie used to get all oiled up for the ladies back in his hey day as one of the original members of Manpower.
I'm pretty sure Manpower are still going and doing shows in Vegas. Imagine if Durie decides to do a guest appearance!!

Speaking of Oprah, rapper 50 cent has labelled Oprah an Oreo!

Oprah Winfrey has morphed into a middle-aged white woman, says 50 Cent, and "caters" to their needs more than she does her black sisters.
She started out with black women's views but has been catering to middle-aged white American women for so long that she's become one herself."

Intimate

Still trying to get the drag queen stench off me from last time I walked past Myer, I was nearly attacked by a lady the other day wanting to drown me in Beckham juice. Who the fuck next???
I was confronted by life size cardboard cutouts of the couple presumably about to conceive their 5th child. It's some his and hers thang called Intimatey Beckham.
For fuck's sake.

Various Idol bits and pieces

Well according to The Eye, last year's resident Idol she male Emily Williams is releasing a single . Known for her screaming rather than actual singing she will be recording the ultimate screamer, Whitney's I will always love you. Fan fucking tastic. I really look forward to hearing that played to death.

And apparently Millsy is back from his beer tour of Europe and is looking for work.

But most exciting is word that Dicko is returning to Idol next year!!!! Hooray!!! Unfortuneately much like everyone else I jumped to the obvious conclusion that one of the other judges (namely Kyle) would be fucked off, but alas no, looks like there will be 4.

Roo hearts Frank 4 eva

So I was watching Play School yesterday (as you do) and I knew that Justine Clarke (aka Roo Stewart, daughter of Summer Bay's Alf) had been a presenter for some time but imagine my delight at turing on the TV to find Alex Papps reading me a bedtime story!! Is this his first presenting gig since The Factory???? Surely.
But what was even more exciting was his co-host for the day was Justine, his former Home and Away girlfriend! How fucking sensational!
Maybe Jesse Spencer can get a job hosting with Brooke Satchwell.

Pamela is nice, I like very much

More on Pam v Kid Rock. It is being reported everywhere that the cause of their break up was Borat !!!! How in christ's name can a FICTIONAL person result in 2 people filing for divorce. I am yet to see the film but Pam is in it apparently.

In the hit movie Borat turns his trip to the US into a quest to marry Pamela.
Rock allegedly flew into a rage when he saw Borat's advances during a screening of the film. He started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her 'You're nothing but a whore! How could you do that movie?' in front of everybody. Pam thought he could have a sense of humour about the movie.
"She was in on the gag from the very beginning and loved doing the movie."

Er...is he for real? Get a fucking grip loser! IT'S A MOVIE!!!!

Everybody was kung fu fighting

Looks like Bruce Lee is going to be immortalised the Walt Disney way...no not at sub zero temperatures, but as a theme park! Some nutter is going to spend a ridiculous amount of money making "Bruce Lee Land."
Presumably rides will be named after his films...though riding 'Fist of Fury'.....ouch.

Train to Splitsville: full

It would seem anyone who is anyone is packing their bags, moving out of boring old Coupledom and heading straight to Splitsville. What the fuck is going on this year? Did someone assasinate cupid?

Let me see if I have this correct:
Whitney and Bobby
Reese and Ryan
Kate Hudson and whats-his-name-rocker-dude
Paul Mc Cartney and Heather gold digger Mills
Pammy and Kid Rock
Chris Rock and wife
Sheryl Crowe and Lance Armstrong
Britney and K Fed
Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora
Carmen Elektra and Dave Navarro
Ralph Fiennes and wife
David Hasselhoff wife
Matt LeBlanc and wife
Eminem and wife Kim (again)
Lance Bass and Reichen (or was it Chip...whatever)
Paris Hilton and ....
Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe
Victoria Principal and husband
Selma Blair and husband
Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush
Babyface and wife
Christie Brinkley and husband

and news just in, Hillary Duff and Joel Madden

And that's all just in the States. I think why much of this is surprising is because many of these couples had either been together for some time and/or seemed destined to actually last.

I can't even think who has broken up in the UK or here. Well there's Isabel Lucas and Chris Hemsworth.

Who else has gone bust this year?

Take THAT Robbie

I love it that we live in a world where boybands like Take That can come back 10 years on and score a number 1.
Catch them on Parkinson.

Brooke and Ridge round 329

holy fuck, Brooke and Ridge are back together AGAIN on Bold. It's been nearly 20 cunting years of the same storyline. And they actually had me sucked in with this Nick and Brooke marriage thing. I thought it was done. And how many times can Taylor be brought back from the dead. Anyway, this week in the States it would seem Ridge and 'Logan' are back on. *gag*
From the official CBS recap:

Ridge and Brooke talk about how in love they are and then they make love.

Kid and Pam over

I love me my daily trashy hollywood gossip, so imagine my delight upon hopping onto TMZ this morning to find that while I was sleeping it was all happening in Tinseltown.

Firstly, the news that Pammy and Kid Rock are over. And I thought their wedding (x4) meant they were sure to last.


Michael Richards (who it would seem is now being referred to as KKKramer) was on Rev Jesse Jackson's radio show, still claiming not to be a racist. Give it up dude, there is no amount of sorry that is gonna save your career. He is claiming to have anger issues.


More reports of Hollywood's newest besties, Britney and Paris partying. What I don't get in all of this is, who the fuck is looking after Brit's kids, one of whom is a newborn????? Just as disturbing is Britney calling Paris her 'role model':

According to Paris' rep, Elliott Mintz, the two are "really forming a bond" and they're "becoming like sisters." Mintz says that the 24-year-old Spears "looks up to" the 25-year-old Paris and that she's "extremely grateful" that Paris has taken her under her wing. Britney's new post-K-Fed look -- the barely-there skirts, the cleavage-baring tops -- has been "inspired" by Paris, says Mintz.


Perhaps my favourite piece of "how is this news" news was the picture of Dave Navarro stocking up on super size rubbers in LA. Is he still with Jenna Jamieson?


In other news closer to home, apparently 'our' Kylie will most definitely not be duetting with former boyfirend Jason Donovan, on her tour, as it's alleged she was heard having a good ol bitch about him over dinner in Sydney the other night.

The pop princess was caught out in a moment of candour when she attacked his role in the UK reality TV series I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, saying it was a case of: "I'm a celebrity, make me famous again".

Ouch. I'm inclined to think someone is talking out their arse re this comment but who the hell knows.

Please make them stop

This must be bullshit, surely! According to BANG showbiz, as if the idea of Tom Cruise serenading Joey Potter with a song from one of his movies (made incidently when she was 8 years old!) he now wants to record said track on a record the two of them are going to release!!!! No fucking way can this be for real.

"Tom's got a great voice. And he loves that song ever since his Top Gun character Maverick sang it to woo his love interest Kelly McGillis. Katie proved how talented she is musically when she performed in The Singing Detective remake."
TomKat has apparently been offered staggering sums to sign a record deal

Taco night

"There's something fishy about this," says Holden

Australian Idol grande finale

If nothing else the Oz Idol Opera house extravaganza is always good for a laugh. And at least this year we didn't have to listen to half the bloody top 100 perform.

I knew it was going to be a good night when James Mathson announced that Marcia would be performing with daughter Deni! Oh goody. I can't wait for Idol 2016 when Holden's kids are old enough to duet with him. Fabulous.

Anyway, following the most NQR red carpet I have ever seen (various Neighbours starlets, a splattering of Big Brother skanks and the remaining carcasses of Idol top 12's of years gone by...and Georgie Parker...???) it was concert time. Every top 2 contestant from the past 3 years performed, except for Fat Casey, who, it would seem has decided to forgo her bowling/snorkelling/golf and get back on the pies and fags.

Fucking Young Divas. They don't so much as perform together but more like they are still competeing on Idol, against each other. It's most bizarre. Has Paulini actually lost some weight? Girlfriend wasn't looking too bad, well from the neck down anyway. Emily Williams has gone blond and looks even more Thai lady boy than before. And what is with the singing over dat tape shit? Doesn't anyone sing live?
There was some abortion of farewells at the end of the song when they all screamed over the top of each other and I'm sure i heard Kate De Araugo shout something about eating a Big Mac.

Marcia and Deni....there are really no words to describe this, but apparently this crap is being released as a single. Oh the joy.

Solo performances by Callea, Sebastian and Noll, with the latter clearly having spent some time backstage with Marcia and her friend Charles.

When Jess and Paddy finally arrive, they do so on a bail of hay and with a bunch of ponies in some bizarre ode to Idol's venture into the outback...or something. I thought Jess looked gorgeous, until she stepped off the car and revealed a pair of fucking ridiculous pink leggings. Fucking styling team!!!

Once that whole meet and greet was done with, the most out of key horrific group performance followed, and once inside the Opera House it was the usual medley of crap that always begins and ends with a Farnsy song. This year was Age of Reason.

A side note, somewhere in all of this I saw an ad for American Idol...what the fuck?? That finished months ago in the States, we all know the grey haired dude won, what is the point of showing it??? I'm quite sure the new series doesn't start til January.

So the show goes on with yet more retrospectives and montages of the final 2. I was somewhat disturbed to hear Jess say that people often say to her "Stop smiling, stop being so happy all the time." Who the fuck tells someone to stop being happy? And to a child no less. Cunts.

I failed in my prediction. I saw the the whole thing going the way of Casey v Anthony. I thought Jess would win, release that god awful song (at least Damien's version is palatable) and Damien would go on to release that opera thang (aka the poor man's The Prayer. His single would go on to out sell her's and end up being sung at every fucking event for the next year. No doubt he will still belt it out at Carols in 4 weeks.

So in the end, yes, Paddy won and so ends another year of Idol.